After my parents made the decision to split up, my brother and I went with my dad to Honduras and my sister stayed with my mom. I don’t remember how long it was exactly before I got to see my mom again, but it felt like forever. She still lived in the US with a low paying job that made it hard for her to buy plane tickets to come see us. So we didn’t get to see each other very much. From the time they split up until I turned eighteen and moved out, she was only able to come visit twice.
The first time she came to visit, didn’t seem to be that big of a deal between them. We went and stayed at my grandmother’s house, went buying clothes and just had a really good time. But the second time was quite the opposite.
I don’t have concrete evidence as to why the second visit was worse, but my best guess is that it had to do with the fact that my dad had a new significant other. I’m not sure about all the details but it ended up with my dad running my mom off. When I found out, I can still remember being madder than I’ve ever been in my life. I had always tried to be as respectful as possible to my dad, but on this instance, all I could think about was cussing him out at the top of my lungs. Thank God (and He’s the only reason I didn’t) that I didn’t because I would still regret it to this day.
There were probably a million things going through my dad’s mind at that time. With some certainty, I can say that easing the pain of divorce wasn’t one of them.
3 things you can do to make divorce easier on your kids
If you have gone through a divorce, my hope is that you want to make it easier on your kids.So one thing that you can do to make divorce easier on your kids is to do whatever you can t make it easier for your kids to maintain a relationship with the other parent. I know this is way easier said than done, but intentionality goes a long way. Here are a few suggestions.
Work with the other parent’s schedule
As in my example, you shouldn’t make it hard for your kids to see the other parent just because it’s inconvenient for you. Just as with divorce you might think that arranging schedule just makes it hard on you, but the reality is that your kids are right there in the middle of it all.
Don’t talk bad about them
Sometimes this is not the case, but I would say that the majority of time kids still love both parents after a divorce. This might not be easy for one parent to understand or see through their distorted view. So don’t talk bad about them. It will probably upset your kids because they still love and respect them.
Ask your kids what they think
If you’re not sure how to make things easier, you could probably just ask your kids. I’m sure they will be more than happy to tell you. I know I would have.
Divorce is never easy, but you can try to make it a little easier with a little intentionality. Try these suggestions or share any idea that you’ve put into place.